


Rules for Angus

by neverwinter (KingPreussen)



Series: Rules for Angus [1]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Found Family, Gen, Humor, Protectiveness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-16
Updated: 2017-05-16
Packaged: 2018-11-01 07:46:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10917435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KingPreussen/pseuds/neverwinter
Summary: Brad Bradson, head of HR, made a list for the employees of the Bureau of Balance regarding their youngest coworker. The list is updated periodically.





	Rules for Angus

**Author's Note:**

> i dont know if something like this has been made for this fandom but i think its the cutest ever. the idea came from a cabin pressure fanfic i recently re-read, but im sure its been done hundreds of times. sorry if its been done for TAZ before *prayer emoji*
> 
> im still working on a longer piece so this is a one shot
> 
> edit: [dareandwriteit literally wrote a better version of this and its so sweet TT__TT please go read it right after this one for context](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10863222/chapters/24297003)

1\. Angus does not know this list exists. Keep it that way.

2\. While he refers to himself as a "boy detective," he is very sensitive about his age and it should not be referenced.

3\. Also do not reference how cute his little bow ties are.

4\. Also do not reference how he trots instead of walks.

5\. If you see Angus being teased by the THB, just leave them alone. He'll be fine.

6\. If you see him being teased by anyone else, stop them immediately.

7\. Sometimes he starts to cry when talking about his family planetside. Do not hug or constrain him in an attempt to comfort him.

8\. If Taako sees him crying he'll likely (and completely transparently) rush over to make Angus feel better. Move out of the way quickly or prepare for a Shocking Grasp.

 **ETA** : Clearly and calmly explain that it was not you who made Angus cry or Taako _will_ burn a spell slot on you.

 **ETA 2** : If it was you who made Angus cry, there will be hell to pay.

9\. His birthday is July 15. He will work through his birthday if not reminded to take a break.

10\. If you miss his birthday party and want to give him a gift anyway, do not leave it outside his door. Taako will Scorching Ray it out of existence "in case it's a trap."

 **ETA** : Leave all gifts with the Director and she will make sure they get to him.

 **ETA 2** : Rule #6 applies to prank gifts.

11\. Magnus and Killian are the only people allowed to pick Angus up.

 **ETA** : If the situation is life or death, ask the nearest spellcaster to Levitate him. Should no spellcaster be available, lift Angus off or out of whatever is posing danger to him and put him on his feet again as quickly as possible.

12\. Angus spends a lot of time in the Voidfish's chambers. He has express permission to remain unsupervised in Johan's absence.

13\. He gets sick more often than he will admit. If you see him sniffling or falling asleep over his work, contact the Director and she will put him to bed.

14\. Compliment the pointiness of his hat or the star on his wand if you see them. The HR staff agree he should smile as much as possible.

15\. If you see him and Merle together, do not acknowledge it.

16\. Angus claims he is not afraid of the dark but jumps at shadows any time past eight pm. Those employees with Darkvision, make sure to turn on lights where you otherwise would not when Angus is around.

17\. He practically lives in the Libraries. Food and drink are allowed for him and no other employees while he studies there.

18\. He claims he does not mind when adults swear in front of him, but keep it to a minimum. 

19\. Do not joke about him falling off the moon every time he spends a long time out of the public eye.

 **ETA** : As Jerry experienced first-hand, Taako does not think this joke is funny.

20\. Absolutely NO sex talk in front of Angus.

21\. **Absolutely _NO_ sex talk in front of Angus.**

22\. Asking for Angus' help is encouraged. Taking advantage of him is not.

23\. Avi will obviously be informed if you take Angus planetside, but make sure to alert one of the THB as well. Avi often forgets to and we do not want a repeat of the Hogsbottom Debacle.

24\. Angus likes sweets about as much as the average child. They are acceptable treats but not a substitute for meals. 

25\. He will most likely forget to eat at least one meal in a day. Handing him food is easier than trying to lead him to the cafeteria, but make sure it is a healthy and balanced meal.

 **ETA** : Angus does not like ham and cheese sandwiches.

 **ETA 2** : Turkey and cheese is acceptable.

 **ETA 3** : PB&J is preferred.

26\. When he overexplains simple concepts, he is often doing it for his own benefit and not yours. Do not tell him that you "already know." He knows you know.

27\. Angus hangs around the Med Bay after particularly dangerous missions to watch the Healers and Clerics work. Use your judgement for whether or not your wound should be seen by a child. According to the THB he handled seeing a beheaded body fine, but he was also seen inconsolable the last time Magnus came in with a stomach wound.

 **ETA** : Taako was able to console him.

28\. He is allowed to participate in Seeker missions, but not Reclaimer or Regulator. Under no circumstances will Angus be involved in combat.

29\. Magnus will ask after Angus to the last person he was seen with. Be sure you have some idea where he went. He is free to wander the Headquarters but if he is not found after Magnus asks, you will be held responsible.

30\. Angus is small and not particularly strong. Help him lift or move things by offering. He will likely try to do it alone and injure himself.

31\. Good surprise gifts include: mystery novels, woven bookmarks, small cakes.

32\. Bad surprise gifts include: hats, cloaks, shoes (Taako prefers to buy these for him and your gifts will be thrown away).

33\. Children are not toys. Angus has feelings and opinions just like you. As Magnus told Jerry, right after his and Taako's altercation, "Respect Angus and live."


End file.
